Never Vulnerable:

Fragile, vulnerable, having a sensitive heart(sappy) these are some of the things I have never wanted to be or let anyone see in me.

Strong, independent, relying on no one this is who I have always strived to be.

“COME ON, MAN UP LADIES” is what I always thought of the girls who cry while watching The Notebook (sorry Olivia!).

I don’t cry infront of people, I don’t share my sappy feelings, I swallow them. I am strong. That is what I have always been. I have never wanted to be vulnerable because it makes me feel weak. I also felt like if I had a fragile heart then it would easily be crushed ( if I let it feel THAT MUCH emotion). I figured if anyone would protect my heart it would need to be me.

Recently I met a new friend, who tears up at every love song.

There was one evening we were watching a movie when it started to storm.. Now mind you, this movie was hilarious! ….so why was she crying? “The lightning, and thunder just make me think of God’s power and might. These things are so beautiful, I can’t help but to cry.” she professed while wiping a tear off her jaw line, that had rolled down her cheek and left a stain.

Her answer made me think.. for months I have thought about this. I have never let myself see God’s creation like this.. with the vulnerability to be touched deeply by His beautiful master piece. So since then I have seriously prayed and prayed for God to show me beauty and open my eyes so that I too can cry at lightening.

There is a song (‘Turning Page’ by Sleeping At Last) that has quickly become one of my favorites. This song is the most beautiful picture of how a man should cherish a woman and her ‘Fragile heart’. The line that sticks out to me is one that the artist sings so passionately “Nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.”

Through this line God has shown me that I DO NOT have to be Strong, independent, relying on no one. But that, I am made to be fragile and vulnerable because out of that men become strong.

My friend who cries at everything, she is the farthest thing from weak. She is so strong. She is wise. She is a beautiful balance of fragile and strong.

I cried at a rainbow yesterday. This morning I teared up listening to music. I honestly swear I can feel my heart melt at sweet moments.

I am now Fragile, vulnerable, having a sensitive heart(sappy).

This is something I have always been afraid to be, because then someone can hurt this ‘fragile heart’. God has shown me that in my fragile weak state He becomes strong. He wants to protect me and my heart.

I guess what I am saying is you CAN be both.

What are you afraid to be?

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